A Meaningful Resolution For Those Who’ve Given Up On Their New Year’s Resolutions

Five days into 2018, I listened to a friend’s excitement over the phone. I could picture her smiling as she said, “I want to live with more intention in everything I do.” I could hear the heart and determination in her voice as we reflected on this past year, complete with the personal pains we both experienced and the growth that came as a result of those pains.

With each new calendar year, many people come up with resolutions – goals to do better and lists of things to achieve. Often, they decide on a course of action to pursue with the firmest of intentions. They are confident this will provide success, happiness, and even love.

For me, each year builds upon the last. What I want to do and who I am resolved to be comes from the tests I’ve taken, the lessons I learned, and the blessings I’ve found in the years before. A dear friend of mine likes to say: ”With the tests come the lessons, and with the lessons come the blessings.” The direction we need to move isn’t always forward. Rather, it’s moving through the tests to discover the lessons and blessings.

2016 was my test. I wanted my life to change, so I traveled more, worked more, and expanded my business and art practice as if I had something to prove. I thought doubling down on everything would make me worthy and help me find love. And I did, but not in the traditional romantic sense; I found that I already had the type of love I'm looking for in terms of family and community love. I found a renewal of self-love – of making sure I take care of myself, embrace balance, love myself, and love what I get to do in this world. I rediscovered what it means to embrace balance. I found the parts of me that I didn’t realize were wounds still needing to be healed.

I recently saw a status from a former poetry professor reflecting on her year: “I finally — finally! — quit the narcotic of yearning. So seductive, that wanting/not having, the way it staves off the real — It was like waking from a long, sorrowed dream.” I too found myself falling into a stupor of desire. Her words resonated.

2017 was the lesson. I woke up from that seduction of want. And in waking, I chose to heal. Writer Anne Lamott once said, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories.” So, I wrote my heart onto the page and self-published a book. I created new projects and collaborated with new artists. I moved forward without fear. I learned how to love again by choosing to love the process, practice, and patience of creating. I chose to be patient in how I love every part of myself, every inch, every scar, every beauty that marks this journey. This type of love will help me navigate the world and my interactions with others with more mercy, light, and grace.

2016 was the test. 2017 was the lesson. 2018 will be the blessing.

In 2018, I resolve to choose me. I hope you choose you, too, because you get to choose your direction, you get to come home to yourself, and you get to choose what meaning you give things, people, and experiences. You get to choose you.